Affairs - Sometimes the truth works and sometimes it does not

Tell the true n u will get away wf it!.........

Six Classic Affairs
Message: The 1st Affair:

A married man was having an affair
with his secretary.

One day they went to her place and made
love all afternoon. Exhausted, they
fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed and told his
lover to take his shoes outside and
rub them in the grass and dirt.

He then put on his shoes and drove
home.

"Where have you been?" his wife
demanded.

"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm
having an affair with my secretary. We
had sex all afternoon."

"You lying bastard!

You've been playing golf!"

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The 2nd Affair:

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful
daughters but always talked about
having a son.

They decided to try one last time for
the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant and delivered a
healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the
nursery to see his new son.

He was horrified at the sight of the
ugliest child he had ever seen.

He told his wife, "There's no way I
can be the father of this baby. Look
at the two beautiful daughters I
fathered! Have you been fooling around
behind my back?"

The wife smiled sweetly and
replied, "! Not this time!"

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The 3rd Affair:

A mortician was working late one night.

He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz,
about to be cremated, and made a
startling discovery. Schwartz had the
largest private part he had ever seen!

"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the
mortician commented, "I can't allow
you to be cremated with such an
impressive private part. It must! be
saved for posterity."

So, he removed it, stuffed it into his
briefcase, and took it home.

"I have to show you something you
won't believe," he said to his wife,
opening his briefcase.

"My God!" the wife
exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead?!?!"

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The 4th Affair:

A woman was in bed with her lover when
she heard her husband opening the
front door.
"Hurry," she said, "stand in the
corner."

She rubbed baby oil all over him, then
dusted him with talcum powder.

"Don't move until I tell you," she
said. "Pretend you're a statue."

"What's this?" the husband inquired as
he entered the room.

"Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The
Smith's bought one and I liked it so
much I got one for us, too."

No more was said, not even when they
went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up, went
to the kitchen and returned with a
sandwich and a beer.

"Here," he said to the statue, "have
this. I stood like that for two days
at the Smith's and nobody offered me a
damned thing."

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The 5th Affair:

A man walked into a cafe, went to the
bar and ordered a beer.

"Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent."

"One Cent?" the man thought.

He glanced at the menu and asked, "How
much for a nice juicy steak and a
bottle of wine?"

"A nickel," the barman replied.

"A nickel?" exclaimed the
man. "Where's the guy who owns this
place?"

The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with
my wife."

The man asked, "What's he doing
upstairs with your wife?"

The bartender replied,

"The same thing I'm doing to his
business down here."

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The 6th Affair:

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the
bedside.

He looked up and said weakly, "I have
something I must confess."

"There's no need to," his wife replied.

"No," he insisted, "I want to die in
peace. I slept with your sister, your
best friend, her best friend, and your
mother!"

"I know, I know," she replied. "Now
just rest and let the poison work."